2011: Not the Year of the Despot.

Woke up this morning to the news that North Korean Dictator, Kim Jun Il, died of a heart attack at age 69.

By my own account, that makes three major players in the world of terrorism/despotism/just plain evil that bit the dust this year.

Osama Bin Ladin was killed during a covert U.S Navy SEALS/CIA operation May 2nd, 2011.

After months of protests, Libyan dictator Muammar Gaddafi was killed.  He was captured by members of the Lybian National Liberation Army after his convoy was attacked by NATO warplanes.  He was beaten to death.  He was infamously known as being complicit, if not wholly endorsing, the bombing of Pan Am Flight 103 which resulted in the deaths of 270 people.

The CNN coverage North Korean citizen's reactions to Kim Jung Il's death is interesting.

"Our leader endured all the hardships," one mourner told state-run Korean Central News Agency in a televised interview. "I can't believe it. Our leader, he's still with us."
 
"He has loved us so much. We weren't able to repay him," one mourner said.  Another said, "It's too much! It's too much! Leader, please come back. ... You cannot leave us. We will always wait for you, leader."

Is it really surprising?  The Kims controlled all media, police, and military.  Information did not flow freely in or out of the country.  Their entire way of life, how they do things, what they believe, are manipulated and controlled by the Kims.  In a way, the man known as "dear leader" was, essentially, God to them.

Even the announcement of his death to the populace was a controlled event, designed to further his legacy after his passing.  The announcement on North Korean national news service a full 48 hours after he died was the following:

"The network said Kim died of "overwork" while "dedicating his life to the people." And the official news agency KCNA said Kim suffered "great mental and physical strain" while on a train." (source: CNN December 19 2011).

He is to be succeeded by his youngest son, Kim Jong Un, dubbed the "great successor".

The control of power shown by the Kim's over the North Korean people reminds me a lot of a cult.

Except this cult has nuclear capabilities.

Food for thought.

December Rain.

Well, I found out that people I thought were my "friends" weren't so after all.  I discovered that a group of people that I normally cache with went out without me on  the 26th and made a beeline on a boatload of caches in the Moncton/Memramcook/Sackville area, and didn't include me.  I cached with each one of them individually way before we started caching as a group.  Lately, however, I've been feeling like a fifth wheel.  Two of them are married to each other, and the other two recently started dating, so now it is more like two couples going out and I am just a tag along.  I have never, ever, excluded anyone from the group anytime I ever suggested or planned a trip; sadly, that has not been reciprocated to me.  In fact, there were a few times this past year when I actually had to invite myself along.  I chalked it up at the time to just an oversight on their part, but I'm now thinking that was not the case.

The 26th was the night of the city's Christmas parade, so I likely wouldn't have gone with them.  It was the fact that they never even bothered to ask.  Being invited somewhere, it shows that someone is thinking of you, likes your company, thinks you're fun to be around, and wants to hang out with you.  For someone with low self esteem like me, the invite means a lot.

Not one of them has been in contact with me in the three weeks since the dust up I had with another geocacher that I wrote about in my second blog ever.  Not one of them has responded to PMs.  I guess I should take that as a sign.

I decided to unfriend them on Facebook, as it was bothering me seeing their posts, comments, etc.  That was last Wednesday.  Not one of them has sent an email or PM asking "what's up?'.  So I guess I have my answer.

I thought that I had made some real, true friends through geocaching.   Maybe I am being to harsh on them.  I don't know.

At any rate, I am enjoying the peace and solitude of caching solo once again.  It is nice to be in the woods on the trails, alone with my thoughts.  I've put a fair bit of kilometres on both my car and my hiking boots in the past two weeks, which isn't good for my wallet right now as I'm still off work.

I managed to find my 2500th cache on December 2nd.  I am really proud of that fact, considering that I have been caching for only a little over 4 years, and have significant responsibilities at home.  Credit goes to my wife, for putting up with my caching on every trip we take out of town, and allowing me the opportunity to just go for a hike when I can squeeze it in during the week.

No real amount of snow on the ground just yet.  I'm looking forward to geocaching this winter, as I bought a new pair of 36" snowshoes from L.L. Bean, complete with poles and a bag.  For the past few years, I have been using 30" snowshoes, rated only up to 225 lbs, 250 max.  I weigh 280.   I always thought that "this year is the year I will lose the weight".  That has not been the case, and, being tired of always falling through the snow and constantly struggling, I decided to break the bank and get a pair of snowshoes that worked for me.  And I'm glad.

When I bought my snowshoes, L.L. Bean had a really good price on kid size snowshoes, so my wife and I decided to pick up pairs for our two oldest girls and give them to them Christmas morning.  I can't wait to see the look on their faces.  I am really excited about taking them out on winter hikes with me.

I guess I had a lot more to talk about today than I first thought.  I am enjoying blogging, it has given me an opportunity to vent about things that are bothering me.  I've been keeping my comments and opinions in check when I'm in public and in online forums, as I don't want to come off as sounding bitter anymore.  So I am glad for the release that this blog is giving me.

I may not be popular, but I am me.

Venom.

I've been a geocacher since September of 2007, and I absolutely love it.  It has been great for mental well-being and my physical health.  I have made many new friends.  However, my love of geocaching took a serious turn for the worse this week.

I have never been shy about making my opinions known, good or bad.   But I am part of a geocaching community that believes everything is all rainbows and unicorns.  My wife has pointed out that for as many negative posts on forums or facebook groups, I post positive ones.  But, I am singled out because I am the only one who posts negative comments.  Although plenty of people chirp in my ear, complaining about things, or saying "Glad you posted that, it needed to be said", they are gone in a puff of smoke when it comes to backing me up online.

I have made comments towards a winter challenge that were not well-received by the general community or the challenge creator.  I did the same thing last year, and decided to remove myself from the challenge.  This year, I posted a few comments, realized that there was still some animosity, and removed them, with a public apology.  I tried to apologize privately online and received the following response:

"It’s too little, too late, Mark. You do not get to, for the second year in a row, personally attack me, publically criticize and humiliate me and then offer an excuse-filled apology and expect everything to be okay. It’s not okay. The receiving end of your “spirited debate” is not a fun place to be; it hurts.

I’m tired of being bullied by you and I’m tired of watching you bully or rant on about anyone who does not agree with you or do things the way you think they should be done. So, as most advise to do with bullies, I choose to walk away and ignore you."

That is the problem with writing stuff online; it never comes across the same as in person. I did not realize I was being so harsh or difficult, I'm still not sure that I was.  I apologized online when I thought my comments were out of line.

I am person who has opinions, and I'm not afraid to voice them.  That got me in hot water.  But I defend that right for anyone.  Everyone has the right to speak their mind, good or bad.  And I will defend my position unless a good argument is placed in front of me.  That happened a few times last year, I acknowledged it, apologized, and backed off.

The same courtesy was never extended to me.

I will go on record as saying that I never, ever, personally attacked this person.  That is a lie.  I may have had issues with the challenge, but I never talked about the person behind  their back and never disparaged them online or in person to anyone.

But, there were times that comments were made in my direction that I felt were digs at my character.

I have never received an apology for what I perceived as "slights" against me.  Nor do I expect one at this point.

The worse feeling in the world is realizing that I am alone in this.  I left our local facebook group because it was created by said individual.  I then sent a private message to a number of friends copying the message and an explanation of why I left, and how much the insults hurt me personally.  I was not looking for sympathy, I just wanted to give them the story.  Not one responded.  Even ones that I was closest to are not responding to online messages that are not associated with this drama.  So, either they all have the same opinion and sided with her, or, they are afraid to upset the apple cart.  I wasn't looking for anyone to side with me or them.  It would have been nice to have heard a "that is pretty extreme", " I feel bad for you", or "wow, that sucks", but nothing.

It would have been nice for someone to have backed me up, just once.  But even the closest friend I have in geocaching, who was at a loss for words concerning this venomous, hate-filled attack on me, referred to me as sounding bitter to people a lot of the time, and appearing as so to a number of people.

What I should have done was backed off, realized it is just a silly game, and moved on.  But I didn't, so in a way this mess is mine that I've created.

This sucks.  And there is nothing I can do.  Given how things have shaken out, I feel the social aspect of the game is pretty much done for me.

I was sent an email saying that I was welcome to rejoin the facebook group, that I was free to attend events whether they hosted them or not, but that I was not welcome at an event tomorrow at that person's house.
Here are the four things I wrote in my email response:
1. It was extremely hurtful to call me a bully, as I was bullied a lot as a kid.
2. That I never personally attacked them or disparaged them online, in person, or in private to anyone.
3. My attendance at an event not hosted by them is always my choice, not theirs.
4. That I was shocked they thought I would show up at their door, after they personally attacked me.

The worse insult that could ever be directed my way is to call me a bully.  I was bullied all through school, even into my first year university living in residence.  I may be opinionated, but I never crammed my opinion down anyone's throat.  I never got mad or upset at anyone when they had an opinion that differed from mine.

My daughters are pretty upset because it means that we will no longer attend events that they love so much.  I loved them too.  But not anymore.  Not now, anyway.

At this point, I'm more disappointed and upset than I am angry. 

The person who leveled this attack against me can now say whatever they want, without me being able to defend myself.

I feel sorry for them.  It must be hard to live life holding grudges, not forgiving, or offering apologies.  They clearly have issues.

I will pray for them.

My First Time.

Hello everyone.

I've been reading the blogs of a number of friends over the past few years, and finally felt it was time to give it a shot myself.   This first one will be just a short intro about myself and my family.

I am happily married and the father of 3 beautiful girls.  The youngest is only 7 weeks old as of the time of this writing.  I have made the joke to numerous friends and family members that with 4 women in the house, this will be the last time I will see indoor plumbing for the next 18+ years.

My life the last 2 years has been full of personal tragedy for my family.  My father went home to the Lord after a short (8 week) battle with cancer in March of 2010.  He was a rock for our family and his passing still affects us deeply.  A week after his funeral, I was pulled into the office at my employer and told that despite an impeccable work record, a desire to always learn, and always doing more than what was asked of me, bureaucrats had decided that a person who lost his job in recent budget cuts needed to be looked after more than me, so they gave my job to him.  I had spent 5 years on contract at that job, and can never go back, as they essentially made the job permanent for someone else.  I was able to find other work, but again, contract work that was only temporary.  I have been out of work since June of this year.  During this time of upheaval, in January of 2011, we lost the other most important man in my family's life, as my wife's father also went home to be with the Lord.  The birth of our new baby girl has been the only true blessing I have seen in the past 2 years.

I should mention at this time that I am a Christian, and proud of it.  I would rather believe in something beyond this life than the nothingness that others seem to be okay with.

What do I do for a living?  I'm a wildlife biologist, or at least, I try to be.  I spent almost 11 years in university, obtaining a Bachelors Degree in Science (biology major), Bachelor of Science in Forestry, and a Master of Forestry.  My Dad used to refer me to friends as the "educated bum of the family".  After bouncing around in different jobs, I've spent the past 6+ years focusing on species at risk.  Technical report writing mostly, but I've had the opportunity to be out in the field as well, which has been great.  Being a biologist has been the most rewarding, fun, and at the same time, most frustrating experience of my life.  Not an easy career when raising a family.  It is even more frustrating when you see the slackers you knew from university and students you taught in grad classes getting permanent jobs at that places you want to work, while you are stuck at home spinning your wheels.  I must be doing something wrong, but I haven't figured it out yet.

Anyone want to hire a wildlife biologist?  My rates are fair.