Venom.

I've been a geocacher since September of 2007, and I absolutely love it.  It has been great for mental well-being and my physical health.  I have made many new friends.  However, my love of geocaching took a serious turn for the worse this week.

I have never been shy about making my opinions known, good or bad.   But I am part of a geocaching community that believes everything is all rainbows and unicorns.  My wife has pointed out that for as many negative posts on forums or facebook groups, I post positive ones.  But, I am singled out because I am the only one who posts negative comments.  Although plenty of people chirp in my ear, complaining about things, or saying "Glad you posted that, it needed to be said", they are gone in a puff of smoke when it comes to backing me up online.

I have made comments towards a winter challenge that were not well-received by the general community or the challenge creator.  I did the same thing last year, and decided to remove myself from the challenge.  This year, I posted a few comments, realized that there was still some animosity, and removed them, with a public apology.  I tried to apologize privately online and received the following response:

"It’s too little, too late, Mark. You do not get to, for the second year in a row, personally attack me, publically criticize and humiliate me and then offer an excuse-filled apology and expect everything to be okay. It’s not okay. The receiving end of your “spirited debate” is not a fun place to be; it hurts.

I’m tired of being bullied by you and I’m tired of watching you bully or rant on about anyone who does not agree with you or do things the way you think they should be done. So, as most advise to do with bullies, I choose to walk away and ignore you."

That is the problem with writing stuff online; it never comes across the same as in person. I did not realize I was being so harsh or difficult, I'm still not sure that I was.  I apologized online when I thought my comments were out of line.

I am person who has opinions, and I'm not afraid to voice them.  That got me in hot water.  But I defend that right for anyone.  Everyone has the right to speak their mind, good or bad.  And I will defend my position unless a good argument is placed in front of me.  That happened a few times last year, I acknowledged it, apologized, and backed off.

The same courtesy was never extended to me.

I will go on record as saying that I never, ever, personally attacked this person.  That is a lie.  I may have had issues with the challenge, but I never talked about the person behind  their back and never disparaged them online or in person to anyone.

But, there were times that comments were made in my direction that I felt were digs at my character.

I have never received an apology for what I perceived as "slights" against me.  Nor do I expect one at this point.

The worse feeling in the world is realizing that I am alone in this.  I left our local facebook group because it was created by said individual.  I then sent a private message to a number of friends copying the message and an explanation of why I left, and how much the insults hurt me personally.  I was not looking for sympathy, I just wanted to give them the story.  Not one responded.  Even ones that I was closest to are not responding to online messages that are not associated with this drama.  So, either they all have the same opinion and sided with her, or, they are afraid to upset the apple cart.  I wasn't looking for anyone to side with me or them.  It would have been nice to have heard a "that is pretty extreme", " I feel bad for you", or "wow, that sucks", but nothing.

It would have been nice for someone to have backed me up, just once.  But even the closest friend I have in geocaching, who was at a loss for words concerning this venomous, hate-filled attack on me, referred to me as sounding bitter to people a lot of the time, and appearing as so to a number of people.

What I should have done was backed off, realized it is just a silly game, and moved on.  But I didn't, so in a way this mess is mine that I've created.

This sucks.  And there is nothing I can do.  Given how things have shaken out, I feel the social aspect of the game is pretty much done for me.

I was sent an email saying that I was welcome to rejoin the facebook group, that I was free to attend events whether they hosted them or not, but that I was not welcome at an event tomorrow at that person's house.
Here are the four things I wrote in my email response:
1. It was extremely hurtful to call me a bully, as I was bullied a lot as a kid.
2. That I never personally attacked them or disparaged them online, in person, or in private to anyone.
3. My attendance at an event not hosted by them is always my choice, not theirs.
4. That I was shocked they thought I would show up at their door, after they personally attacked me.

The worse insult that could ever be directed my way is to call me a bully.  I was bullied all through school, even into my first year university living in residence.  I may be opinionated, but I never crammed my opinion down anyone's throat.  I never got mad or upset at anyone when they had an opinion that differed from mine.

My daughters are pretty upset because it means that we will no longer attend events that they love so much.  I loved them too.  But not anymore.  Not now, anyway.

At this point, I'm more disappointed and upset than I am angry. 

The person who leveled this attack against me can now say whatever they want, without me being able to defend myself.

I feel sorry for them.  It must be hard to live life holding grudges, not forgiving, or offering apologies.  They clearly have issues.

I will pray for them.