Another Year Has Come and Gone

I have been very neglectful of my blog posts (I have 3 currently on the go).  I look at my personal blog as almost a release, allowing me to vent frustrations, post ideas, comment on things, etc.

My wife commented to me tonight that this was the first year since 2010 that we have not lost a close family member.

Here we are.  A summary of what I felt were the highs and lows of 2013:

Highs

My wife graduating with her PhD in Forestry and Environmental Management in May.  I am very proud of her accomplishments, considering all of the personal and professional strife we have gone through during the process.

The unexpected pregnancy of my younger sister and birth of a new niece (on the same day as her son’s 6^th birthday).  She is a cutie. 

We also found out that my brother and his wife expecting-a boy, no less.  I told them it takes the heat off me to keep the family name going.  I very proud of him for how he has straightened his life out-a steady and good job he enjoys, a wonderful wife, and a baby on the way.  I only wish Dad could have been around to see it. 

Elizabeth and I treated the girls to a family vacation on Prince Edward Island.  It was short (4 days), but we really needed the time to relax, unwind, and recharge our batteries.

I increased my volunteer activities in order to fill the void an unfulfilling work situation was creating.  A friend of mine who is the Executive Director of the Nature Trust of New Brunswick needed help on a few projects this fall and I stepped up.  I had tried volunteering in the past but I guess it wasn’t the right time or fit then.  I have really enjoyed working on a multitude of projects for her organization and I feel that I am really making a difference.  I have also been offering some career advice (not great at times) to a guy getting into this field of conservation.  I enjoy discussing things with him, and I feel he has a bright future in this field.

Lows

I was unable to attend the largest gathering of geocachers, a Mega Event, in the Maritimes in July.  The event was spearheaded by former “friends” who have made me feel unwelcome at any event in the city for the past 2 years.  When I spoke up about something concerning the event, and my desire to have helped out, run a workshop, etc. I was met with scorn and that you “asked to help, you weren’t asked”, and that it was too late as “all things were planned out months in advance”.  These were outright lies proven both on the forums and on blog posts leading up to the event, yet no one called them out on it.  I then received a very condescending email “inviting” me to attend from the lead organizer, a former “friend” who I hung out with and cached with before all of the events, groups, etc. took over caching in the area.  I received no response to my reply, which simply proved to me that it was a desperate attempt to save face and say “well, I tried”.  So, with these attitudes working against me, how could I take my family and attend?  I am very disappointed, and upset, that they have made me feel this way, and made me miss out on this fun event, seeing old friends, and making new ones.

Geocaching is supposed to be a simple game, but for some, it is much more than that.  I have seen some of the best and absolute worse in people because of caching.  Hypocrisy, lies, smugness, two-faced individuals, snobby attitudes-you name it, I have seen it.  A lot of the time, I think back and miss the camaraderie I once had with these individuals.  But I have come to realize that the type of people they have become, or already were to begin with, are not the type of people I want to be around. 

My work situation has continued to be a roller coaster.  My 6 month casual position at the Park was not renewed at the end of May.  That was not really a surprise.  I was happy to leave that den of lies, distrust, and mismanagement, but fearful without a paycheck.  The manager couldn’t even be bothered to show his face my last day of work, and no one asked me for my keys, uniforms, or files when I left; I left the keys and uniforms on my desk and deleted almost all of my files as there was no way I was letting them have my ideas that I was working on for them to take credit off of.  I found out this fall that they hired someone less than a week after I left, and some of the summer staff were pretty vocal that they wished I was still there instead of this individual.  This guy worked there previous summers and volunteered on a constant basis while I was working.  He is who they wanted there from the start; an annoying brownnoser who when asked to jump, would pause mid-air and ask “how high?”.  Good riddance to that job.

One last comment before I leave this subject.  I have never seen people work in a Park before who hated the outdoors as much as these individuals did.  There was little to no support for any idea or program I created or ran; not once did they attend event or even feign an interest in anything I did.  I never saw them outside of their offices unless there was a PR opportunity for them to take credit for something.  It makes you wonder how successful and wonderful the Park could be if it was properly managed by a real manager, someone who actually cared about the Park; its trees, waters, and trails; educational programs; and, the employees that worked there.

The delay in getting back to work (3 and ½ months) meant that we burned through the rest of our savings, and increased our debt load.  Bye bye house in the near future.  That, to me, has been the most heartbreaking thing to have happened this year.  It is hard to see everything my wife and I worked towards and saved go up in smoke like that.  And to know it was because of me and my failures in providing for my family, and it is difficult.  But, I am also thankful that we had that money, as our situation could have been much, much, worse without it.

I was also a bit foolish in that I turned down two short-term contract jobs in the summer that would have kept us going, thinking that the new opportunity was going to start sooner than it was.  It is, however, good to know that my reputation and work is out there and looked on with good regard by others in my field.

The new job is….odd.  I feel it is a bit different than what I was initially led to believe, and the work is a bit uncomfortable for my introvert style.  I also don’t feel that I have enough to fill out my day, so I read a lot of reports, regulations, books, articles, etc. on subjects relating to my work.  I have made both my supervisor and the program director aware of this but nothing has been done as of yet.  Government is a funny thing; I can say I need more work to do, and they know given my education and experience that I am more than capable to do different projects, yet I just found out they will be hiring new employees on contract/casual with less education and experience than I have.  But I am happy to have a paycheck, even with the knowledge of my contract ending in March.  I have heard from sources outside the department that my supervisor wants to keep me, and thinks he can, so that is good news.  It makes me think he is working on something.  But it is also confusing, as he has asked me a few times in the past month if anything has come up for Elizabeth or I.  

I was contacted this year by three different job recruiters looking for biologists/ecologists (two of them worked for the same company, but different sides of the country).  They spend the time chasing me, calling me, buttering me up by saying "we think you would be perfect for XX job and XX location", only to email me back a week later and say "I guess you aren't the right fit for us after all.  Best of luck and we will keep you in mind".  I guess I should be happy with the realization that they are seeing something in me, and think that I could come work for them, but it is very frustrating having my chain continually jerked like that.  

It is frustrating because I am not doing what I want to be doing and that my career has stalled while others around me keep moving forward.  I would love to get back into the biology work that I did with the province and the federal government.  That is what I love, and where my passion is.  And, I am very good at it.  I am not sure how to get back to it.  But I haven’t given up hope yet.

Elizabeth was offered a job with a consulting company in North Carolina back in September.  We turned it down, for two reasons: 1. The pay was not enough given the difficulties in me finding work there, and 2. The opportunities for work in my field didn’t seem to be materializing there.  We have some regrets in turning it down, but there is no going back.  We can only move forward.

The Promise of a New 2014

The last 4 years since Dad passed has been difficult for one reason or another.  I truly believe that this is the year Elizabeth and are going to turn things around.

Comparing my list of Highs and Lows, I’ve realized that the number of Highs are certainly greater than the number of Lows, but the Lows seemed to carry more weight and burden me down.  Why is that? 

My wants for the year 2014:

I want a satisfying, fulfilling career for myself and my wife.  Jobs where we are both happy.

I want us to be financially stable.  Not rich-no one gets into my field of work thinking they are going to be rich-but enough to pay the bills, get a house, and save for retirement.

I want to be a better father to my kids.  I want to be more patient with them, more attentive, more loving, more kind.

I want to have less stress in my life.

I want to lose weight.  I want to run a 5km by the time of my 40^th birthday.

Lastly, I want to be more at peace with everything and every decision I’ve made or will make.

The new year comes in clean, clear, and full of hope and promise for everyone.  I want to make the most of it this time around.

I pray the Lord will bless my family in the year to come.

Yours in Christ,

Mark.